I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
