You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
