I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
