I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He? As in you personified your dick?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
