Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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