Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And then he peed in my hair
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