Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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