I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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