Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
