My nipple is on Facebook.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
