I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
