So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
