After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
