I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
