youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
