All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
