omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
