ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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