yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
