We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
