Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
