This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
