I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
