five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
