my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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