I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
