Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get the cat blown out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
