Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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