The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
