I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
