You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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