I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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