therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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