My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
