This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
