U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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