I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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