you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
