OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
