my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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