So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
