So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
