I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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