Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
FUCK WHALES
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
