i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
