apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The power of my boobs compel you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
