I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
