By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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