in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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