dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize