Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
