what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
