the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
