Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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