I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
